This study from the APA is tremendously important. "Toxic masculinity" is a tremendous problem, and in manifests in and arises from a variety of ways. There's a poisonous blend of high and low expectations of men, especially boys. As boys typically mature later than girls, they come into conflict with the accelerated expectations that we increasingly place on elementary school children. Standardized testing and the requirement for order that large classes need means that rambunctious boys (and girls, but that's a much smaller subset) struggle to find their academic footing.
Struggling to define themselves in positive ways, boys rely on masculine stereotypes to provide emotional shelter. Playground masculinity starts as a cloak, but becomes a straightjacket.
The article twice mentioned stoicism as being part of toxic masculinity, and I understand they are referring to emotional distance. But I've found basic stoic ideas to be very helpful in relieving some of the burdensome expectations of the world on masculinity. Stoicism is highly and happily fatalistic. "Do not obsess over that which you cannot control. Things will unfold as they should." Part of the problem with stereotypical masculinity is that it demands command. To be a man is to dominate. Yourself, your situation, your peers. That's unrealistic, obviously. Stoicism argues against mastery over everything except yourself, knowing that that is the only thing anyone has control over anyway.
There is something rotten in our society. Despite living in a time of true abundance and relative peace, we kill ourselves and each other with appalling regularity. We are not a happy people.
How can we be, when we spend our lives trying to become what other people tell us we should be?
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