Thoughts On The Upcoming Royal Wedding

What does this have to do with the wedding?  Nothing.  Jane Austen's British?  

1) Kate Middleton is more attractive than Diana Spencer and has better hair.  Seriously, the only unflattering picture of my Most Beloved and Desirable Wife And Helpmeet is when she sported the "Princess Di".  She looked like a blond mushroom.  (I realize I could get in trouble for that, but she never reads this thing anyway.)

2) There is no way in hell I am sacrificing one moment of sleep to watch this on TV.  I will wait until someone produces a mash-up on YouTube that combines footage from the Royal nuptials with wedding footage from Kill Bill and is set to the music of the Chemical Brothers.

3) My chronology may be off, but let me see if I have this straight.  The British have elected a conservative government that is shredding the safety net during an economic downturn and are about to numb their national pain by obsessing about a marriage in which one of the participants is the product of centuries of inbreeding.  I guess next up is an invasion of the Falklands Libya.

4) I am mildly impressed young William is marrying from the Commons, because it will make blueblooded royalists crap their knickers.

5) I hope that Ms Middlelton produces male progeny so that she does not get her head chopped off in the Tower of London.  Because that's the way these royal bastards roll.

Yeah, that's pretty much it.