Death, Incorporated

 I've spent the last few weeks helping my mom die of Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and then trying to help my sister navigate the estate issues and all the paperwork. Dying is, of course, a tremendously fraught and emotional event for everyone involved. I watched my mom struggle with the pain the cancer caused her, I watched her take her last, gasping breath. Every night for a week, I would say goodnight to her semi-conscious mind and tell her I understood that she needed to move on and we would be OK and wonder if I would ever see her again.

As I said, it take a toll.

After death, though, the hard work never stops. Even a simply cremation is expensive. I was shocked at the expense of running an obituary. My family is incredibly lucky to be a very solid financial position, but we have a series of trusts and partnerships related to real estate that are a bear to deal with. It takes weeks to officially die and months to sort out everything around it.  My dad died in 2017 and his estate is still "open." Packing up my mom's stuff, giving some to Goodwill and knowing I will never see that jacket on her again.  It adds up.

Hospice nurses are amazing people. To do what they do, day in and day out, is an act of emotional endurance I can't fathom. Mom's nurse happened to be there for the end and her kindness and thoughtfulness was simply breathtaking. Hospice has made the process of dying so much better for the person dying. No more sterile hospital rooms, hooked up to machines laboring against the inevitable.

It strikes me that we probably need something for the survivors in the days and weeks after death. Not just counseling, though hospice does help with that. Even something as simple as an app or webpage that can help resolve all the little details with bank accounts and credit cards; cellphone accounts and cable subscriptions. I'd hate to call it a "killer app" but there you go.

Mom repeatedly said, "This damned virus is screwing up my cancer," which was true. She was able to have a decent May and June with her family and a decent July with her friends, but it was hard. Now, I have to go quarantine from my family for two weeks. All I want right now is the embrace of my wife and sons. All I have is this damned virus.