Blog Credo

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

H.L. Mencken

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Exclusive! Must Credit Zombieland!

Vatican spokesman eager to change the subject 
from centuries of enabling child rape.

News from the Vatican is that the GOP is filibustering the Conclave.  They mistook the College of Cardinals for Stanford, which - despite the Hoover Institute - is a repository of "book larning" and so dangerous.  And they immediately launched into a filibuster of the efforts to select a new Pope to replace Leon Panetta... er... Pope Panzerfaust I.

Spokesmen for the Vatican tried to explain that the GOP could not, in fact, filibuster the Conclave, to which John McCain and Lindsey Graham replied that it wasn't a filibuster anyway, so relax.

Unnamed sources within the GOP caucus report that strategists knowledgeable about the decision to filibuster the Conclave are banking on reservoirs of good will amongst the cardinals.  "Our last remaining strength is among angry, old, white men.  And few people are angrier or older than this collection of 60 year old celibates."

Another source confirmed that if there appears to be any irreparable breach developing between the Catholic prelates and the GOP a few well chosen words about abortion, birth control pills and legitimate rape should repair the damage.

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